Session 21 - A Maul IS a Giant Hammer

Session 21 – A Maul IS a Giant Hammer 

All but Kaminari are present. Kevin's house, subs for dinner, queso side, candy, chips. Notes scribed by A Phoenix Warrior Named Slickback

We find the portal back to the room to take a well earned long rest. After slaughtering the Native American substitutes (and feeling like the white man come again), we took all their crap, even though we cannot take it with us. Maiden ROCKS!!!

day two in battle world - [Day 260; 6:00 pm; Flamerule 23, 498AF]

Once back in the safe room, we realize that we had not locked the door. We are welcomed by a personal water skin and a day’s ration on our beds. Inside our lockbox we find a small glass vial of clear liquid. Not quite potion sized, but its holy water according to Kaminari, or as he shall be called tonight, MWP (man with pig).

A long rest is had by all, we are all well rested. Yay!!!

It is 8 hours later. We have no idea what time it is. Some of us lock our chests. Veshna does not to test a hypothesis. We lock the door this time. We head into the room with the altar and sword holes. We all have to enter our swords into the holes and simultaneously twist. We head into the next room and back to the last room we were in.

This time the portal with the music is on the west wall. Buffering.... buffering..... Amazon ad….

It’s “War Pigs” by Black Sabbath. It could be witches, constructs, men at arms, evil, sorcerers, undead, burning fields, giant pigs, could be almost anything. Oh shit, Veshna just came up with war pigs might be orcs, since they are piglike and war like. It is also possibly Sunday. Could be orcish evil witch/sorcerers riding undead or construct hogs across a burning field.

Evil spellcasters on the battlefield, is our final answer.

The room expands and the roof rises and everything transform into a heavily wooded grove with hardwood and it is the gloaming time outside. There are large shapes in the trees, that are not trees.

Imitative order – Alton, Veshna, A Phoenix Warrior Named Slickback, DuTamn, Aggadah, Firebeard, Kaminari. Haha Kaminari, you go last, even with your ridiculous bonus.

We are fighting literal War Pigs (battleboars or wereboars). We just read your note, Kaminari gets +5 xp for the 'we are all screwed without Kaminari' comment. Kudos to you. Well played.

Alton shot a wereboar, then Veshna dropped an entangle on three of them. Slickback cannot get close enough to punch punch, so he throws a dagger ineffectively. DuTamn eldritch blasts the hybrid wereboar in front. [I just realized that I did not pick up that dagger, down one dagger for Slickback.]

Wereboars move, the hybrid comes up to attack Slickback, some of them are still entangled. He is attacking with his tusk and his maul. DuTamn blocked it the tusk with his shield, but the maul gets through and strikes Slickback with it. He will be a dead boar.

Aggadah is lining up to lightning bolt as many as he can, killed one boar and wounded a wereboar and a regular boar. Excellent use of lightning. It’s shocking.

Firebeard smacks a sheboar, but does not knock it over, then proceeds to hit it again with his magic sword. Kaminari brings out the call lightning, his go to spell, which will allow Veshna to call more lightning. Two boars are messed up.

Alton fires at the wereboar that is attacking Slickback to get the backstab bonus. Veshna is hitting the other sheboar with fireballs. Slickback punches three times for massive damage, DuTamn hits the same one for more damage, this thing is a sponge.

The boars/wereboars move up, Veshna is toast because it chooses her instead of attacking Firebeard, the maul again after the tusk fails.

One is going after Alton, probably because he looks like an appetizer and he disadvantages the attack on himself. And the other attacks Firebeard, but misses, he's so pretty.

Aggadah breaks out his lightning breath to mess up two evil creatures again. Firebeard choppy choppy with the magical battle axe. This time he is able to knock sheboar down and smacky twice. “Bad boars” he yells over her prone body.

Kaminari, call lightning (again), boom boom. None of them have gone down yet. Lots of damage, not a lot of results yet.

Alton drops bow, draws shortsword, disengages and now will stab in back with shortsword. CRIT!!!! on the disadvantage. He jabs it thoroughly and drops a sheboar (there are like three of them).

Veshna picks on a regular boar with his staff, CRIT!!!  and she drops that one.

Slickback moves to flank and shamalama mumu on that dude. CRIT!!! and he drops the hybrid boar. DuTamn moves over to drop another boar that was on deaths door.

The prone boar stands and hits Firebeard for a bunch (including a crit), ouchy ouchy. The boars are getting out of the entangle and charging DuTamn. He's toast, but she fails horribly. But this was fake, because his move was escaping the entangle.

Aggadah uses poison cantrip to mess up a boar and almost drops it and the rest are unentangled.

Firebeard knocks over the sheboar and totally kills it. Kaminari drops call lightning again on the ones that had just been unentangled.

Alton gets his bow back by disengaging, Veshna jabs again with her stick. Slickback moves up to the final sheboar and punches four times, messing up that bitch, but she’s still standing. Wow. DuTamn moved up to hit her as well, then she gets really mad and tusks Slickback and there is a chance that he will be A Wereboar Phoenix Warrior Named Slickback.

Aggadah shocking grasps the last boar, which forces Firebeard to go after the ones that had been entangled.

Boar pups move to attack Slickback and DuTamn and we are each tusked. Ouch.

Firebeard moves up to attack a puppy, what a mean man. He drops it. Kaminari drops some more lightning. And drops every other living thing that was attacking us. Bacon for all!

Firebeard and Slickback try a strawberry, we do not get a hit point back, but we do go on a trip. Everyone gets healed and eat a ton of goodberries to get back to normal.

Firebeard and DuTamn take a maul each. There is an argument about what kind of weapon it is, a martial weapon? a giant hammer? The argument is Johnny and Kenneth, or course. Who else would argue about this?

We reform the room and the forward arrow is on the south wall, we enter it and we go back to hallway. We have finished the first area. Henceforth known as Area 1.

All the swords we picked up in the first room are all magical, but not all plus +1, only Veshna and Slickbacks are. Firebeard, DuTamn and Aggadah weapons are -1 magical weapons, they can hit magical creatures with it, but its negative one to attack.

We are back at room zero. Now we actually get the holy water, we only thought we got the holy water before.

Slickback trades the fancy Elvin feminine dagger, a +1 dagger called Kristina’s Blade to DuTamn and it will turn into any bladed slashing weapon. He gets the poisoning shortsword from the greenfeather grimlock along with his poisoning kit.

But we decide to walk around to see if we can go to another room. We cannot. We are going to take a short rest and move on.

The original direction is now blocked. We cleared the northern part (Area 1), we are only allowed to go to the south.

There are two speakers, playing two songs at the same time. It’s annoying, we need to make a concentration check.

For each new section a song is added, second area – two songs playing at the same time, third area – three songs, etc.

Two songs, One Scotch One Bourbon One Beer by George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers. We are going to have to make love to the landlady, or get into a barfight.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, I Won't Back Down. Gates of hell?

Johnny will need to sleep with a succubus after a drinking contest. Is that correct? Who knows. That’s what we went with.

We enter the room and …........... it’s 40x50 and there are two tables with two chairs on each side, except for one, so there are seven total seats and there are three drinks in front of each seat. Three glasses with amber liquid, two are glasses one is a mug.

There are no discernible markings or carvings on the tables, or glasses or anything. DuTamn sits on the side by himself. Kaminari and Alton on the same side of that table. Slickback and Firebeard on one side, Veshna and Aggadah on the other side.

Now we are all trading college drinking stories. It appears to be a drinking challenge. Kaminari blesses Alton, Aggadah and Kaminari. DuTamn blesses himself, Slickback and Veshna. Firebeard will go balls out and rely solely on his con bonuses.

At once, everyone goes shot shot beer.

First time fails – Alton, Veshna, Slickback

They refill, try again. This time we do the second shot, then the first, then beer.

Second time fails – Alton, DuTamn, Kaminari

Refill again, back to original order.

Third time fail – Alton, Slickback, Veshna, Kaminari

Those who have passed or failed three times do not have their glasses refill. (Alton, Aggadah, Firebeard)

Refill again, original order of drinks again.

Fourth time fail – Slickback, that is three fails, no more refills for him. Or DuTamn who passed the third time.

Refill again – Veshna and Kaminari both fail for a third time, no refills.

Those who passed  (Aggadah, Firebeard, DuTamn) get +1 constitution saves (but not concentration saves), immune to fear and mind effects.

This was the Liquid Courage Challenge, that is the name of the challenge.

Names of the past challenges were

Twisted Blades

Silver Bullette Band Making Night Moves

The Beatles in the Strawberry Fields on the Penny Lane

Run to the Hills

Battleboars

Liquid Courage

All the failures (Slickback, Kaminari, Veshna, Alton) take +1 on constitution, but not on concentration. But -1 on dex, wisdom, intelligence, concentration saves only and imitative.

Two speakers on the eastern wall, right in the corner (the back wall from opposite where we walked in).

Dry Bones is the song. No one knows the band. [The Four Lads was the band name]. We are sure we are facing skeletons.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers – Running Down the Dream.

We just realized that the first set of rooms (Area1) a full day passed, started in predawn, then went on to the gloaming at the fourth room of the first set of rooms.

We are going with fighting skeletons in the twilight. There are apparently three kinds of twilight according to Google, but fuck the movie.

Room expands again, we are in a 20 x 40 area to start and standing on a decrepit wall around a tower. The wall is 20ft tall, to the front of us is rubble sloping down to the ground, behind us is a straight drop off. We are standing on a broken part of wall. The sky is gray, it is neither light nor dark.

There are a group of people moving on the all the way over there to the east, by the refrigerator. There tower is to the south, but the starburst on the game mat.

We start walking down to the ground. When Slickback hits the ground a clarion horn sounds, and a ton of skeletons appear. Johnny does many horn noises.

We decide that the cleric likes it in the back.

There are a metric fuckton of skeletons rising from the ground, including two ogre sized skeletons.

Imitative – DuTamn, Veshna, Alton, Kaminari, Firebeard, Slickback, Aggadah

Encounter name is Dem Bones.

DuTamn starts at the top of the wall and eldritch blast skeleton 1, they are armed with shortbows and short swords and wearing armor scraps.

Veshna drops the Kaminari special (call lightning), kills skeleton 1 and 2. Boom!!!! Now Kaminari will piggy back off of Veshna.

The skeletons move, they all come closer to the wall and now we see why they lost this battle, because they run straight at a 20ft tall wall. Dumbasses.

They launch arrows at us, like 30. Slickback is hit 4 times and blocks one, Aggadah and Alton were also hit.

Alton fires back and hits one, awesome. Kaminari screams “eat lightning undead scum” and drops four with a call lightning. Firebeard walks down the ramp a bit to swing at a guy and fails, but did hit one but failed to knock it over. An effin skeleton he can't knock over.

Slickback takes out 1, but not both of the ones he hits. Aggadah now is up and he lost his character sheet. Fail. Math is involved in this area of attack spell. Shatter, trying to hit a bunch at the same time. Four more go down, skeletons 11, 15, 16 and 22. Two got hit and didn’t go down.

DuTamn is now up and moves to a place where he can block shit with his shield. Veshna is going to call lightning, going after the giant skeleton and his friend that was standing next to him. Not a large one, but a normal one. The little friend goes down, skeleton 19 is dust.

Lots of skeletons go now, more arrows and a melee or two. Dicks. Aggadah gets hit with an arrow, ouch. And again, and again. Alton is struck with an arrow, as is the paladin. Now they move forward, into punching range. This is awesome.

They are all coming to me, haha, burning hands is upcoming, but first they are swinging their short swords, this may hurt.

Only DuTamn is struck with the swords.

Alton climbs down the wall successfully, even with the buzz. Kaminari creams his pants and channels divinity by yelling KORD!!!! He fucks some shit up, hitting 11 of them in the radius, destroying 7 of them. Brilliant thing.

Firebeard smacks a skeleton, CRIT!!!!! Guy erupts into a cloud of dust. Poof! Moves forward and hits another guy and drops him/her? Not really sure, skeletons do not have genitals.

Slickback breaks out Sweeping Cinder Strike and two go down, two remain.

I must pee now, so notes will be spotty.

Aggadah casts shatter on the two bigguns and a bunch of extras, three people add damage dice for an extra 6 points, he took out 4, wounded 3 more.

DuTamn tries to use a shield and a 2 handed maul at the same time. Didn’t realize he didn't have three arms. He dropped his shield and took one out. Veshna calls lightning again, drops two more.

Skellys go, firing at people who are standing. Kaminari and Veshna drop to the ground like cowards (or  they are really smart), so they fire at everyone who is standing. Slickback deflects another one and then Firebeard blocks another one.

The ogre sized ones start thwacking us. He beats the eff out of Slickback with a greatclub.

Alton peaks around the corner and plinks one in the back with a sneak attack. The dude is screwed and dead again. Kaminari lightning call to smoke the big one and another small one.

Thrice times is what Firebeard does hit the other ogre sized skeleton. He fucks it up and drops it with the maul.

Slickback moves and punches one, moves again and almost drops the next one. Aggadah eldritch blasts two skels in the back, dropping one. DuTamn is attacking a skeleton with 1 hit point.

Veshna call lightning on 1 skeleton. Can you say overkill? And the Alton sneak attacks the last skeleton  with even more overkill on the final arrow. Crackle pop goes the cranium.

We are victorious. 36 skeletons, plus two ogre skeletons.

What to do now? Its 1141pm, do we do another encounter, or do we call it a night? Healing kits for the sorcerer/bard, monk, rogue, paladin. Slickback burns two hit dice to get back to full. Kaminari heals for some, Veshna gets Aggadah back to full.

Some kind of Warhammer argument, which I do not understand.

Those guys we saw before running in the east, are now in the south east, by the queso on the stove.

We go back to the top of the wall and the room appears, the speakers are on the southern wall. Two songs are:

Rob Zombie with White Zombie – song is Dragula

Tom Petty??? Mudcrutch??? - Working on Something Big??? - who the eff knows

we have 11 bonus dice

I love taking notes. These will be posted in the facebook group, as all notes should be. [No, I will make a blog page for these.]